Potential Pre-Abuse Signs

At first the abuser may show signs of jealousy that can be mistaken as that person really loves and cares for me. He/she may put down the victim's family and friends to try to demonstrate he/she is being supportive. For example, “Your sister always talks about you behind your back.” The victim may take it as he is trying to protect me from being hurt by them. “Maybe we shouldn't visit her as much as we do.” The pre-abuse is very subtle at first.

Additional Pre-Abuse Signs

Some of the warning signs are jokes about femininity, intelligence, and abilities. Examples would be: “You never seem to get it. It is over your head. Nevermind.” “You can't cook. You don't know how to clean right.” Controlling behaviors and they are known to have a Dr. Jekyll and Hyde personality, Refusing to share with his partner. This person may be nice to others and mean to the spouse. Chooses not to open up and share his/her feelings or emotions. Denies the victim's reality, argues against partners thoughts, perceptions or experiences. Judging and criticizing what the partner does and acts. Examples could be: “This is not how it happened. It wasn't that bad. You don't know what you are talking about.” The victim may be isolated from family and friends.